👄 ORAL FIXATION 💬 You’re Telling On Yourself
How to Read People Like Subtitles Using the Enneagram (by Larissa)
Each type unconsciously directs or responds in conversations through the filter of their personality mechanisms. Here’s how to spot someone’s type fixation.
Type 1 🕯️ 🧹 The Grim Sweeper 🧼 📏
They steer conversations toward: What’s correct/working and what’s not. What can be improved/fixed/made more efficient or “right” and how to do it. Unlike a 6, this isn’t about getting everyone on the same page for security reasons or pointing out the “bad man” as a threat to the community/tribe-oriented goal, it’s about teaching you the correct way to do or be something. (example: Jordan Peterson’s infamous “Make your bed” saying). They often use precise, carefully chosen words. 1’s don’t trail off in thought or bombard with chaotic or mental energy. Nothing feels sloppy. They can come across like they’re speaking at a funeral or delivering their words grimly to a pulpit.
Subtext: “Let me influence your standards, outcomes, behaviors and morals by dryly massaging you with my verbal and energetic bone folder.”
How they hijack the conversation: With a stern glance, a dry cough, condescending dressing down or Daddy-energy scolding. They hijack with steady, grounded authoritativeness. Words like should, right, proper, better appear externally or between the lines. Even when having a spot o’ fun, engaging with them can feel polite, moralistic or like they’re restraining themselves from straightening your collar. People might feel as if they’ll be scolded or disappoint the 1 if they step too far into the fringes of messiness, controversy or inappropriate commentary. You can talk to them about regular mundane topics, but there will always be an undercurrent of controlled leadership and guiding you towards a higher ideal.
Type 2 💞🍯 Flower Power Bottom 🦑🌻
They steer conversations toward: Others needs, feelings, emotions and relationships. How they can / have / do help you, or can make themselves necessary. They’re often weaving narratives centered around special moments or connections and can steer them towards the saccharine shores of Weeping Willows Beach or intensifying their connection with you through flattery, emotionality or centering how special your connection is. When talking about others they tell stories that either highlight themselves as the narrator of a magical moment or cherished memory, or actively position themselves as the necessary person, the one who has the most nurturing emotional impact.
Subtext: “Let me demonstrate how irresistible my care is. I’m the blanket you want to snuggle in, or at least notice and appreciate how necessary my warmth and honey-dipped heart candies are to the survival of others.”
How they hijack the conversation: They find the emotional heartbeat of the room and position themselves as the only one who can truly hear it. As positive types, they can center things on “pleasant,” emotionally uplifting topics, on their important relationships or things they’re contributing. This can feel like “hijacking” if someone wishes to be “negative,” realistic or gets icked out by the intrusive quality of their moist, engulfing heart style of reality creation.
Type 3 🎭 🏆 Gem & The Holograms 🎥 ⭐
They steer conversations toward: They’re typically charming and like to keep things shiny. They will often steer conversations to their success, achievements, where they shine or how they’re valued. This can range from subtle brags - who they know, who desires them, what they’ve accomplished or are good at - to outright positioning themselves moment-to-moment in a favourable or aspirational light. They can massage truths (which may or may not implicate or denigrate others - although it will often be subtle so they cannot be outright accused later) in order to highlight their most impressive traits, experiences or skills. As the ‘vanity’ and ‘deception’ heart type, 3’s are always unconsciously and consciously weaving narratives to intoxicate their ideal audience into desiring, admiring or trusting them towards an optimal outcome. Their attention can feel quite special but it might just be that they are zeroing in on you to extract information to see what you offer, where you fall short, what you need and how it aligns with their agenda. Being around 3’s feel like you’ve been chosen by a venerated person.
Subtext: “Notice it, be impressed by it or you go in The Burn Book / Girlboss Grimoire.”
How they hijack the conversation: They can get competitive and engage in one-up-manship or subtle put-downs. They can also center the convos too much on superficialities by keeping things above a certain level of polish, so as not to get too in the mud with the commoners (unless they’re trying to extract dirt or manipulate you, lel). They don’t want you bringing down their brand with yo stank. There’s often a third party being brought into their dialogue as a prop to make them look good, as if an oily salesman busting out it’s little “Here’s why my company is better than the other shoddy company!” or “See the excellent results this buyer got with my services!” sales pamphlet. It won’t be as literal but if you start feeling yourself being sold on someone’s agenda or vision and recruited into their web, you might be talking to a 3.
Type 4 🫀✍️ Withering Heights 🥀🩸
They steer conversations toward: Self-mythology through expressing their inner life and focusing on what’s missing or special, destined moments that most couldn’t possibly grasp. What’s meaningful (and what’s meaningless - ptoeey!). Often scattering symbolism, emotional highs and lows through their little monologues. They’re unconsciously weaving narratives about the great tragedy of their lived experience, unrelatable brand of uniqueness and off-putting dramatics. They highlight how rare, deep or misunderstood they are by shifting focus to how common, tedious or shallow others are and how much easier the plebians have it.
Subtext: “Dearly beloved/hated, you are gathered here today to bear witness to my special, unrelatable (don’t you fucking dare), creative rupture romantic agonizing breakthrough collapse drama inner world today. You’re welcome. Don’t forget to leave a tip or a poem about how it made you feel.”
How they hijack the conversation: 4’s can escalate a “How’s your day going?” into a cinematic monologue about what’s missing, the aesthetics or existential betrayal of having to inhabit such a banal and hideous world. If they’re insulting someone or not wishing to engage, they can express contempt, target the ‘mask’ of the person by cracking it (ex: if a 3 is annoying them they might casually or subtly diminish whatever the 3 is bragging about by revealing how shallow it is). Often mundane slices of life are recontextualized into some kind of cinematic moment, as if they law of attracted the most dramatic thing that could possibly happen in the least dramatic of situations. 4’s have Main Character Syndrome, and so they can be constantly pulling focus back to them and their frothing, tumultuous inner experience even if you’re trying to talk about something you’re struggling with.
Type 5 🧠📻 Faraday Mage | Info Dump Wars 🤖🫙
They steer conversations toward: Specific concepts, their specializations or hyper-fixations, or unusual topics, regardless of what the other person wants. 5’s are often in a compartmentalized brain sac swimming in a stew of their own esoterica, theories, odd ideas and visions. This isn’t like a 9 who can get lost in an internal ‘world’ of symbols and theories but struggles to articulate them on command. 5’s are quite sharp on their expression, you just don’t get it because you’re not as smart as they are. They can come across as intellectually condescending, mentally arrogant, cold, uncaring and reptilian in how they frame things, or erudite for erudite’s sake. While you may feel confused by what they’re saying, they’re not being vague, fluffy or emotional or about it. However, if they find you interesting, they may put a lot of focus on you - which means you’re an intriguing specimen. This is less about connection for them and more about squeezing novel data or painting cells in a spreadsheet with your viscera.
Subtext: “If we must speak, it will be on my terms and topics I wish to engage in. My fixation brain tabs are the most important thing to me, therefore they get all of the RAM. If you try to steal my RAM for meaningless queries, your little tab will be obliterated.”
How they hijack the conversation: They’re unlikely to engage with you on topics they aren’t interested in, overly emotional topics, or personally messy issues. Ask them about a subject they are interested in and it becomes the Info Dump Wars. It can almost feel like talking to an alien until you learn their language, and then you mostly have to operate within that language because you’re not going to get a whole lot else out of them otherwise.
Type 6 🤓⚒️ Sherlock Groans 🔮🔍
They steer conversations toward: Maintaining a baseline of certainty, support, loyalty and camaraderie. This can manifest as in-jokes, humor, “testing” (using humor or provocations or overtly fear-driven “tests” designed to result in a “GOTCHA!!!!”), endless questions, drain-circling, census-taking and checking in. They’re often unconsciously looking for inconsistencies, hidden motives or things that could go wrong or ways they could be abandoned, which creates a fear-driven undercurrent to even the most enjoyable of interactions. Then might feel guilty and crack a self-deprecating joke. They can be simultaneously self-righteous in their position (tribal or ‘the science says’) while also expressing how they’re not above anyone else, and simply an average person.
Subtext: “Do you hate me? Would you love me if I was a worm? Would you step on me, tho? What if I’m already a worm and I don’t know it. Would you tell me? Am I gonna be left to fend for myself??? AHHHHH! HELP! But also, I’m tough. So F off.”
How they hijack the conversation: They might introduce a hypothetical threat that derails the conversations into worst case scenario-ing, anxiety spin-outs, debates, arguments, and covert lie detector hazing rituals. They might also get overly fussy about facts or making sure everyone is on the same page. While they can be the funniest, most irreverent person in the room where you feel like you’re at a private open mic session (that you want to be at), they can also force you into becoming their de-escalation bomb squad (often making it worse in the process).
Type 7 🪩🎉 Clown Syndrome 🤡🎪
They steer conversations toward: Future excitations, sidequests, big ideas, chaotic schemes, unhinged theories and crazy stories. They might even turn your conversation into its own adventure before you know what you’re being roped into, and your encounter becomes the next zany yarn they’re spinning. As positive types they can focus on topics or visions that feel disconnected from reality and almost like they’re just trying to get themselves high through verbal theatrics (which will either sweep you up into the delirium with them or leave you feeling confused or flattened). They make great cheerleaders though and love to big up the people around them and bring them up in the clouds of delusion and glittering Cheetos with them.
Subtext: “This is boring if it’s not entertaining and possibilities-oriented. When I’m forced to sit in boredom, heaviness or limitation I teeter close to the edge of complete insanity in the black, hungry abyss! So let’s juggle balls, baby!!!” *cue circus music*
How they hijack the conversation: They actively throw sparks, possibilities, inappropriate jokes, detours, plans or provocations into conversations when they find the interaction dull (or you’ve excited them with some kind of idea and they can’t resist becoming a verbal sonic the hedgehog). Often their unpredictability leads conversations way off-course until you have no idea what’s going on anymore. If they’re a particularly energetic 7, it can also feel like you’re being waterboarded into submission by the sheer magnitude of how much they can talk and continue to generate new things to talk about at a machine gun speed.
Type 8 💣🏰 Girthquake / Size Queen / Size King ⚔️🔥
They steer conversations toward: Where they can lead, take control and flex their power. They prefer topics to be centered around something they’re fluent or dominant in. But because they’re assertive gut types, if they’re stuck in a conversation that isn’t something they feel all-knowing in, they might quietly watch, steamroll or hubristically pretend they know even more than the expert at the table does or somehow that person learned everything they know from them. As reactive types (like 4 and 6), they can also direct conversations towards uncovering people’s weaknesses, agendas, rooting out the rot (aka people they can’t control or might threaten their little kingdom).
Subtext: “Respect my authorité. If you do not respect my authorité, you get the guillotine. Knowing you’re out there disrespecting and undermining me makes me feel weak, terrified and vulnerable. Your days are numbered, ex minion.”
How they hijack the conversation: They take up a lot of energetic space with bluntness, hard truths, intensity, volume or presence. You will know an 8 by the fear their mere presence induces in other people. This fear can cause people to flock around them and want to bet aken under their wing as a favourite, or it can cause them to make fast enemies with others who also see themselves as the star of the show (in however that manifests for them). They can be antagonistic, aggressive or at the very least, intimidating. If they feel you’re undermining or threatening them, they can either escalate or shut you down without a trial or rebuttal.
Type 9 ✨😶🌫️ VaporWave / Sighspiria 🌫️🕊️
They steer conversations toward: Well… they don’t “steer,” per se. They might do a little backseat GPS suggesting, or tone policing, passive aggressive manippie-lationz, or the occasional eruption or bitchfest (because someone is messing with the vibe, causing issues, or the “driver” isn’t comfortably merging with traffic), but usually the preference is for shared good times, going with the flow, enjoyment for all with the least friction or irritation. They can talk about whatever, with whomever, whenever. They try it out, they remix it, they absorb it. Just relax, fren. Although if you get stuck with a droopy 9 (usually because they have 6 / 4 in their type), they can center a lot of narratives around the negatives in their lives. But the undercurrent is “I don’t want to ask you directly, but will you help me with this to restore comfort.”
Subtext: “Don’t ruin the vibes with conflict and tension, brah. Can’t we all just have a nice time?”
How they hijack the conversation: The Kings and Queens of passive aggression, timed sighs, half eyerolls and disappearing acts (napping, ghosting, arriving late, not paying attention). They can softly hijack the conversation through emitting annoyed energy, aggressively sighing or trying to smooth the energy. Softly redirecting, minimizing, or joking until the sharp edges disappear and everyone forgets the issue existed. They can also hijack the conversation by not hijacking the conversation - where they assume you’ll do the heavy lifting for content generation they can ping off, agree with, laugh along with. If you put too much attention on them, their needs, anything that feels too centering or exposing they can get deeply uncomfortable.
Accompanying video incoming soon.