Enneagram Type 4 🫀✍️ Withering Heights 🥀🩸
Enneagram Type 4 🫀✍️ Withering Heights 🥀🩸 by Larissa
My Nicknames: Hatefully Loitering, Whinge & Purge, Princess & The Tea, Woe is *Me*, The Special Exception, Vagina Dentata Monologues, The Little Prince/ss, Limp Fist
Enneagram Type 4’s have been described elsewhere as sufferers, martyrs, romanticists - and while all of these can be true, they’re not exactly true. Because such labels are missing one main piece - it’s all about them. They’re not the long-suffering lover who weeps themselves to sleep at night while they’re cheated on or ignored - they’re vicious, hysterical, vindictive little creatures and it will span not only their creative expression but their lived expression.
Withdrawal is a performance art, not a dissociative event. It’s not merely lying on a pile of pillows lamenting, it’s rewriting the narrative in every moment to fit their tragic little tale in which they are the main character who never gets what they want as they toil towards ruination and reinvention over and over again (this is their Ego’s goal, btw).
4’s don’t find beauty in the windswept petal because #natureispoetry, it’s because they see themselves reflected in the petal - a beautiful flower torn apart by the violence of an envious world. And you related to this? Disgusting. They step on the petal and move on with their day with their nose in the air. You can have the crushed petal, because it’s worthless to them now. Ptooey.
While many types relate to the notion of “feeling misunderstood” - they don’t like it. 4’s get off on it. You don’t understand them because you can’t. You’re not like them. You’re a tiny-headed and hearted, untalented plebian. Your suffering is not as cinematic, your longing is not as long, your yearning has not been sufficiently yearned. Whether this is true or not, is besides the point. This is how each type’s ego mechanism operates. And by virtue of how 4’s operates, you’re excluded from the experience, dear reader.
🪤♾️Type Trap / Repeating Loop
4’s overfixate on separateness and being some kind of anomalous, gorgeous misunderstood freak of nature which prevents them from feeling truly separate, because our type seeks to keep generating this exact loop over and over and over. By chasing this indilutable “me-ness” they are overly sensitive to anything that is diluting, keeping them in a perpetual state of agony (on some level).
4’s believe they have to be separate, misunderstood, deep, tragically different and unique in order to exist. Therefore the opposite is “not me” which creates repulsion. 4’s fear of being shallow, functional (like a regular person), relatable or common causes them to overdo self-sabotage, dissatisfaction, alienation, hostility and backing themselves into a corner, which inevitably causes them to have to settle for an ordinary, sub-par existence. This pattern is not conscious to 4’s, for the most part.
If they’re a rare 4 who manages to break free of the tortured artist at some agonizing Joe Job routine, they’ll find new Hells to irritate their thin skin within this realm of “success.” Example being Morrissey, who despite his best efforts to essentially set fire to his career and alienate and disappoint his fans over and over, many are loyal to his brand of theatrical pretension.
4’s need to constantly churn themselves in more particular, off-putting, inimitable ways or to continue to push away from the shallow end where they’re more easily findable and connectible. They’re not trying to stay ahead of the trends, they’re staying away from self-dilution.
🩸 Core Wound
“If I’m not special, I’m nothing. If I’m not different than everyone else, I’m worthless, erasable and replaceable.”
This wound shows up as constant self-curation and reinvention in more particular, often off-putting and unmarketable ways. Not to stay ahead of trends, but to stay away from the horror of being generic. The shallow end is where basic people splash; they’d rather drown in the deep end than float up there with everyone else.
They don’t fear being misunderstood or different like many other types do, they metabolize it like an alcoholic metabolizes wine. Relatability = sameness, sameness = replaceable, replaceable = erased.
They don’t just feel uniquely gifted; they feel uniquely broken. Everyone else seems to have gotten the manual on how to be a functional member of society, satisfied with whatever. And their inability to adjust to ‘normal life’ is further evidence (to themselves) of their own depth and significance. Their outsiderness becomes introjected as what makes them special. This is not a “me against them” emo punk cutting to Tumblr metal 6 mentality, it’s an “I am completely alone on this fainting couch” mentality, and they’re ready for their close-up.
🎁 Innate Gifts
I like to edge away from overly focusing on the “positives” of types because it helps weed out people who are just looking for an ego boost versus people who are seeking to see themselves and their patterns clearly and dig into the actual meat of this ‘system.’ But, I think what 4’s bring to the world, is that they’re able to watch themselves decompose in the mirror and somehow make it artistic and compelling. Through their ability to create heightened emotional states on the fly, they’re also able to snap people out of their fogs and jolt them into a new romantic, tragic, aestheticized rock bottom timeline. Showing them the beauty of horror and the horror of beauty. They help others to transmute their shame into a bracelet they can proudly wear, and also reflect the message back to others that being overly individualistic, while often off-putting, creates new possibilities that disrupt the status quo. Make a hideous appreciation card for your local miserable record store clerk poet failchild today. 🥀
🥴 On Frequent Mistypes
4’s aren’t sad (that’s 6 and 9), 4’s are superior, and they hold onto that title through appearing sad. To get to their decrepit little throne made of bone-to-picks, you’ll have to cross land mines and eggshells. And if you’re allowed behind the velvet curtain (however dusty or dreary), they’re unlikely to let you stay unless you’re somehow amplifying their self-important narrative with your contributions (be it that you reflect them well, they find you particularly special or intriguing, are some kind of muse or are giving them constantly regenerating hate fuel).
✨ 4’s aren’t special, they consider themselves the special exception. ✨
Many types (especially 6 and 9) identify with the notion of wanting to feel “special” but underneath it is the desire to be included and belong. 4’s do not “want to feel special” or be “seen as special” - they view themselves as uniquely superior and the special exception. While they may not confess this in casual conversation, it’s obvious in how they conduct themselves. While 9’s wish to feel special (moreso with a 4 fix), they aren’t going to go out of their way in a theatrical fashion to make everyone else’s life hell to accommodate their “specialness.” And while 6’s can also like to feel special, it’s more about “we’re special” girl gang outsider ethos and creating a web around them that support their viewpoint. Even if a 4 is useless and parasitic in their relationships, their Ego operates on being so singular no one could possibly replace, compare or truly support them.
9’s who “seem like” 4’s are romanticizing bedrot and inertia, truly “withdrawn,” (they either wish to re-find their center, recharge, maybe they want you to come find them after… for 4 withdrawal is an act of violence, repulsion or total lack of interest in you).
9-4’s generate ever-churning sadness and disempowered hopelessness as a baseline; futility, whining and grumpy because they wish to be “comfortable” in their collapsed misery (especially if they’re the 964/694 archetype).
9w1’s are often “poetic” + “aesthetic” in their 4 fix channelings because they’re doing some kind of baby bows in hair, religious iconography, melting candelabra, Greek statues, dusty philosophy books, diary entry thing.
6’s who “seem like” 4’s romanticize the blue collar/psych ward welfare queen/edgy bartender outsider aesthetic, part of the matrix but making it drip with Weezer-chart topper whining. 6’s are more “reactive” in a way that causes interpersonal drama than core 4’s because of 6’s tend to self-victimize in a way that attracts rescuers and requires a team or intervention. Whereas 4 reactivity is pointed inwards and is more about a self-narrative than an actual fear spin-out. 4’s will have a meltdown just to have a meltdown. It’s part of their art form.
Furthermore, the heart space still wants to be separate/unique potentially to the point of ostracization but 6 cores will be spinning the narrative through the lens of feeling victimized, persecuted, bullied, against some “bad man” and they want your help with this problem or for you to validate their feelings. And if you are not for them, you’re against them.
4’s don’t care if you catch the show or not, the show will go on with or without your eyes. A 4 may feel exploited or victimized but it’s part of their ego’s thematic self-portrait and it’s about what it says about them as a main character. Your assistance or participation is not invited unless they’ve decided you could have a poignant role in their narrative (which will be largely mood-dependent and subject to change on a whim).
4’s are image types aka “identity” types, meaning they exist as main characters and you are all embellishments and props in the play they’re living. Your role is to reinforce their ego as different (but in a way that is significant). They’re a special exception (all image types are) and will unconsciously seek to reinforce that by centering themselves as singular - which is likely to be wildly unappealing to the proletariat - which they secretly delight in.
And, I don’t mean Insane Clown Posse “unappealing,” I mean like wildly narcissistic, self-absorbed, tragic character they are actively living. And they don’t feel bad about it. It’s not a simplistic bedrot fantasy peppered with instagram poems every 3 weeks. They think it’s an insult to fit in, be palatable, relatable - because it means they are like you - which is worse than death. It erases them. It fills them with slime-drenched, hair-ripping shame to be some kind of average creature or be confused for one. I hope I’m really driving it home to the 6’s and 9’s who still think they’re 4’s. This is what a 4 is like. No exceptions.
What about their friends, lovers, etc? That person is likely a rare talent, beauty, intriguing, a diamond in the rough to them. Or maybe they’re serving to bring their creative vision (real or imagined) to life. The 4 is special, and if they like you (for now), that also makes you special. And you will feel that. You serve as an intriguing reflection of themselves in a puddle. They may curiously dip their finger inside but they are still gazing at their own reflection.
Does this mean that 4’s are vicious porcupines shooting poisoned quills at everyone 24/7? No. But they’re self-obsessed and everything feeds the self. 4’s are not “merging” or “connecting” in a way that cedes identity. They may temporarily rally and compromise in order to hook (sexual or peer) or lock down someone they feel an otherworldly desire for but it’s often temporary or mood-driven. They can churn little heart trinkets and kind verbalizations for those that they care about, but this is a special gift they are handing you and it doesn’t grant you eternal access to compliments. Take your scrap and cherish it.
They’re casting you as a character in their life play. If you’re their one and only (Heaven help you) you have been cast as the role of muse, the vampire’s delightful supply bag, a source of suffering material and tragic romance that serves to intensify their experience as The Special One. Close friend? Same thing. But they’re always the main character. And you should be honoured you were invited to the stage or as an audience member.
Of course, none of this is to say that you’re an average creature (whoever is reading this), but this is what the 4’s Ego is constructing whether they’re aware of it or not. And I’m really trying to let you in on what’s going on behind the curtains so you can soak in the constant narcissistic drip of ick for those who still idealize this type.
Further…
Heart types are by nature “social” because they are “image” types which requires a gaze of some kind (even if they refuse to acknowledge it). All Self-Preservation dominants can have a creepy relationship with objects, body, environment, resources in which the “thing” means something more than the “thing” and reflects something about themselves.
However, a self-preservation 4 will run the me-me-me program not “look at these tchotchkes on my shelf I collected from various travel adventures, I am therefore unique.” Their performance will bleed into, infect, transform and dictate their environment, not vice versa. A minefield of trapdoors, poisoned implements, symbols, objects to feed creation - an act of self-worship. Turning their lair into a temple of Me. The environment is used as set dec and a backdrop for their theatrics, creative efforts and obsessions. This is where they scream into the mirror at their own reflection, roil in paintings of exes and never-was’s. They’re harder to reach than Social or Sexual 4’s, but not because they’re happily, calmly puttering about their space tinkering with yarn art like a 9, or engaging in endless health crises and compulsive Morgellons-picking like a 6. Their environment, body, physical world and wellbeing will be an endless source of dramatization and reactive, frustrated horrors which feed a narrative of how fragile they are and how terrible everything is.
I’m quite sure this still won’t clear things up for people, so this is where true presence of self is required. Observe your autopilot responses. Don’t larp or search for evidence you’re actually a 4. Just notice. What are the inner dialogues and immediate actions you engage in?